Chapter One

 The Fight

 “What do you mean, it’ll take two day to fix?!?!”

“I mean what I say, Your Greatness, the hyperdrive will be fixed in two days!”

Captain Han Solo, of the Millennium Falcon and Princess Leia Organa of the late Alderaan, were fighting again. After a completely successful mission to Anobis, the hyperdrive of the Falcon had broken.

The pair had been sent on quick mission with Leia acting as co-pilot, and were due to return to the Rebel Base that night, however, the hyperdrive was going to take a couple of days to repair and until then the Princess and the Pirate were going to be stuck in close quarters.

Needless to say, neither was very happy about it.

At the moment, they were flying through the place where Alderaan had been situated until just over a month prior to this incident. Leia hadn’t recovered from her ordeal aboard the Death Star, and hadn’t fully agreed with their course, but, for the sake of the rebellion, it had been necessary.

After about half an hour of constant arguing, both people on board the ship were trying to hurt each other, just to make the shouting stop. Hence why the words spoken soon got out of hand.

“It’s always the rebellion this and the rebellion that with you, isn’t it! You don’t care about anything or anyone else anymore! If you ever did to begin with!” Han yelled at the small female who was facing him. She countered the verbal attack without hesitation.

“Well you’re one to talk! All you care about is money and yourself! And your stupid ship, of course! You’re nothing but a mercenary! You know why I don’t want to be here! You know this isn’t about the rebellion! I told you that this piece of scrap wouldn’t hold for the entire trip!”

Han was too angry to remember that Alderaan’s destruction was a sore subject with the Princess.

“It’s not my fault that you let your planet get blown into pieces, so don’t take it out on me!”

There was no reply. Han realised all too late what he had said wrong.

“Leia, I’m sor-”

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Don’t say you didn’t mean it.” Leia’s eyes were filling with tears and her voice was bitter with hatred, but she wouldn’t let Solo know she just wanted to break down and cry. “You know you meant what you said!”

With that, she turned on her heal and ran towards the spare room on the Falcon.

Han heard the door slam shut and the lock click in place. He retreated to the cockpit and slumped down into his seat. He had done it now. She would never forgive him for accusing her of Alderaan’s destruction.

Chapter Two

 

Blame

 

Leia was lying on the bed in her cabin in the Falcon. Her face was stuffed in a pillow and the only sounds coming from her were muffled sobs.

She was no longer angry at Han. She was angry at herself and everyone else who had tried to tell her that the destruction of Alderaan wasn’t her fault.

Because it was. It was her fault.

The night after the battle of Yavin 4 she had escaped from the celebrations of the recent victory, only to be followed by Luke Skywalker. They had talked about people and things they had lost. Luke talked of his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. Leia had told him that their deaths could not have been helped and that none of it was his fault.

She had talked of Bail Organa, her father, and one of her closest friends, and of Alderaan. Luke had told her that it wasn’t her fault. He had told her that it was the fault of Grand Moff Tarkin and of Vader. It was the fault of the Empire. She hadn’t been the one to build the Death Star and she hadn’t ordered the Empire to destroy Alderaan.

Luke had said that wherever Bail Organa was now, he was sure to be proud of how strong his daughter was, and how she had not given away any secrets to the Empire.

That wasn’t true. How could her father be proud of what she had done? Of what she had let them do to him and the rest of Alderaan?

Rieekan had said that she had done the right thing. He had praised her strength to hold out against the Empire. Mon Mothma and Dodonna had agreed with him full heartedly. They hadn’t blamed it on her.

Chewbacca the wookie had told her it wasn’t her who was to blame for the decisions of the Empire. Well, Han had to translate what the wookie had said, but Chewie hadn’t pinned the blame on her.

Han. Once he had said he didn’t blame her. He had lied. He did blame her and now she knew it.

Han was the only one brave enough to eventually tell her the truth. Tell her that it was all her fault. Tell her that she had let it happen.

With tears still pouring down her face, Leia turned to face the darkness of the room.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered quietly. “Daddy, I’m sorry that I killed you all!”

With that, she fell into an uneasy sleep.

..........

Han had just finished looking at the hyperdrive. It would indeed take two days to fix. But he couldn’t start just now. He needed to contact someone back at base to tell them why they were delayed.

Chewie was the first person he thought of. A lob sided grin grew across his face when he imagined the wook trying to tell Commander Rieekan that the broken hyperdrive had delayed Han and Leia’s mission.

There was always Luke. The kid could tell Rieekan what had happened.

Luke’s face flickered onto the screen.

“Hey Han! What broke this time?”

Han glared. “Very funny kid. The hyperdrive crapped out, if you must know. Tell Rieekan that we’re stuck in the middle of Alderaan’s remains and we’ll be back in two days, if all goes well.”

Luke grinned. “So, do you reckon that you and Leia can survive that long without ripping each others throats out?” The question was innocent enough from Luke’s point of view, but Han just wanted to pretend that the fight between him and Leia had never happened.

“I think I killed Her Highnessness already,” Han said with a groan.

Luke’s eyes widened. “Already? You haven’t even survived a day yet! What did you do?”

“It’s always my fault, isn’t it? Never considered that it was her who started it, have you?”

“Alright! Calm down Han! What happened?”

“Okay. What is the worst thing you could accuse the Princess of?” Han asked.

Luke looked bewildered. “Um... Betraying the rebellion?” he asked tentatively.

Han shook his head. “Another clue. Think about where we are.”

“Well,” Luke paused. “You could have accused her of the destruction of Alderaan, but even you wouldn’t be that stupid!”

Han moaned. “I was that stupid!”

Luke stared at Han. He even tried reaching out with the Force, just to find any clue if it was all just some sick joke. It wasn’t.

“I don’t know what to do,” said Han, for the first time in years, feeling absolutely helpless.

Luke shook his head. “I suggest an apology, but apart from that, you’re on your own buddy.”

“Yeah,” Han sighed. “Well, look kid, tell Rieekan about the hyperdrive, and wish me luck when it comes to apologising to Leia.”

Luke gave him a dry smile and said, “It’ll take a lot more than luck to get Leia to forgive you, but, good luck!”

Han gave a lob sided smile back. “See ya!”

“See you!”

Luke’s face flickered a moment, and then disappeared. Han lay back in his seat with his hands covering his face for a few moments, then sighed and turned in for the night.

Chapter Three

 

Nightmares

 

“No!” Leia’s eyes shot open as she stifled a scream.

It was that dream- well, nightmare really, again. Every night since she had been tortured on the Death Star, the memories, the pain, all came back to her.

Every little detail.

Leia moaned. She really needed to get some uninterrupted sleep. Closing her eyes again, she tried to forget all that she had dreamt.

To no avail. Once again she saw a flash of green light head towards her planet, and once again she watched Alderaan explode into tiny pieces, millions of innocent people die.

She gasped for air as for the second time in less than a minute her eyes widened. She was going to be sick.

After a quick dash for the ‘fresher, she threw up violently in the sink.

When she was done, she sunk to her knees and wept.

..........

Han woke up in a panic. He didn’t know why, and to tell the truth, he didn’t really want to know why.

After lying in silence for a few minutes, he decided to get up and start a bit of late night work on the hyperdrive. Maybe, just maybe, it would send him back to the blissful world of sleep.

When he opened the door of his cabin, he froze. He could hear someone. Drawing his blaster he snuck towards the direction the noise was coming from.

He didn’t think it could be Leia. What would she be doing up at this hour? She was probably getting her royal beauty sleep. If she wasn’t trying to think up a plot to hurt him for what he had said.

Han just hoped that she hadn’t taken it to heart.

He froze again. There was a light on in the ‘fresher and the sound he had heard, was crying.

Okay, so maybe it was Leia.

Holstering his blaster he peaked in the door which had been left ajar.

..........

Leia heard Han at the door. She tried to stop crying and put on her Princess-I’m-not-scared-of-anything face. Didn’t work.

She didn’t want Solo to see her like this.She really didn’t want him to see her like this.

The door opened and Han crouched down beside her.

“Why are you crying?” There was real concern in his voice.

Leia only just managed to choke out two words. “Go away!”

Han looked hurt, but he wasn’t going to give in that easily. “If this is about what I said, you should know that I didn’t mean a word of it. I’ve told a lot of lies in my time, but that was the biggest.”

“It’s none of your business. How many times to I have to tell you to go away?”

Han picked her up and cradled her, almost as if she were a baby. She squirmed a little at first, but soon found she had no more energy. Giving up, she slumped back into his arms.

Han gave her a smile and said, “You’re ordering me away from my own ship? That can’t be right. And listen Sweetheart, while you are on my ship you are my passenger. Therefore, I am going to make whatever you’re bawling your eyes out over my business!”

Leia blushed. “I had a nightmare. Happy now?”

He lowered her down into a seat, switched on a light and started pulling stuff out of cupboards. Finally he pulled out a spare blanket and wrapped it round her muttering, “Can’t have you being sick again, can we? Rieekan would have my head if anything happened to you. And no, it must have been a pretty bad nightmare to make you react like that, so tell me what it was about.”

This was a fight Leia could see she wasn’t going to win, but that wasn’t going to stop her from trying.

“No. I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, I have it all the time.”

“Leia, tell me what it was about. If it had anything to do with what I sai-”

Leia cut him off. “You were right. Don’t look so guilty. You’re the only person who has told me the truth so far, and I should thank you for being so honest.”

She had stopped crying a few minutes ago, but she looked ready to start again.

“What!?!? That’s Bantha-dung! Listen to me Your Highnessness, half the stuff I say isn’t true! What I said about you and Alderaan was in that half!”

“And what you just said now, what half was that in?”

Han grinned. “That was in the half which I do mean. Now are you gonna tell me about this nightmare or not?”

Leia stared at her knees and whispered, “It was about what happened on the Death Star. Do you want me to go on?” She looked up.

Han nodded. He felt his face pale.

This was going to be a horrible story.

Chapter Four

 

Reliving the Nightmare

 

Leia paused, took a deep breath, and began.

“It all starts when the Imperials boarded the ship. You know that I sent a message to Obi-Wan Kenobi in R2, right?”

Han nodded and motioned for her to continue.

“I had just sent him off with Threepio when some Stormtroopers found me. I shot one of them and tried to run. Stupid, now that I think about it. I should have just blasted the rest of them,” she managed a weak grin.

“Well, they stunned me, and when I woke up they took me to Vader. He had already killed Captain Antilles, probably trying to get information out of him. I lied to him, told him I was on a diplomatic mission. He didn’t buy it. He had found out about the transmissions that the Red Hand Squadron had beamed to the ship.”

Leia paused again. She didn’t want to sound silly when she told Han about this recurring nightmare. Though, having one’s planet blown up in front of one’s eyes was probably a good enough reason to have nightmares at the age of nineteen.

“They put me in a cell for a while. I don’t know how long for, it must have been several hours at least until Vader came again.”

Her mind recalled the tall man, if you could call him, or it, a man. His big black mask was enough to scare anyone, even if they didn’t know who the man or thing under it was, or what he or it, was famous for.

“He just came in and said so simply, ‘And now, Your Highness, we will discuss the location of the hidden Rebel base.’ Then, as if to top it all off, a huge, ugly Imperial Probe Droid floated in the door, pointing a needle at me!”

Her voice went so soft all of a sudden that, Han could barely hear her. “I’ve still got the puncture marks on-” Han cut her off.

“Your spine?”

Leia looked at him quizzically. “How did you know?”

Han risked a smile. “Obvious really. All your nerves go up through your spine, so if those Imperials wanted to pump any princesses full of pain enhancement drugs, they’d go for the place where it will hit most nerves,” his voice dropped too, “and cause the most pain.”

Seeing the amazed expression on the Princesses face, he said, “I’m not all good looks Sweetheart! I’ve got brains too!”

Leia shook her head in exasperation, and then continued.

“Like you said, they pumped me full with Pain Enhancers so it hurt just to move. Then Truth Serum. After that Vader got some of his men to beat me up a bit, but because of the Pain Enhancers it hurt a lot more than it should have, while he ‘questioned’ me.” She said the word ‘questioned’ with all the sarcasm she could muster.

Han winced at the thought of the pain and humiliation she would have been going through. ‘And it gets worse’ he reminded himself.

“I didn’t say anything.” Leia had started again, rather abruptly. “He tried everything I thought that was in his power, but I didn’t say anything. At the end, I would have rather died than live a moment longer! But it wasn’t over...” she trailed off.

“Alderaan?” Han asked gently. He was surprised when Leia shook her head. Han had been an Imperial once, and during his time with them, he hadn’t seen anything else that Darth Vader could have done.

“He ordered all his Imperial cronies out of the cell, and he lifted me. Not with his hands, he was using the Force, that thing Luke is always going on about.”

Han interrupted again. “Vader’s a Jedi? I’ve been getting more and more suspicious of that crazy religion the Kid’s getting into, and now I know why!”

Once again, Leia shook her head. “My father told me a bit about the Jedi. They were the protectors of the galaxy. But some turned to the dark side of the Force. They used it as a weapon, not as an ally. They became known as the Sith. Darth Vader is one of them.”

She waited for Han’s nod of approval before she continued.

“As I said, he just lifted me up with the Force. Then I felt something... I don’t know, it was like he was going through my mind! Flicking through my thoughts and memories, just looking for the right thing. I remember thinking that I couldn’t let him find out where the Rebels were. Then he let dropped me. I felt him trying again to get into my mind, but he couldn’t. I blocked him.”

Han stared at her. “You should ask Luke about this. Maybe you’re what he calls ‘Force sensitive’!”

The young princess in front of him laughed. A proper laugh. Han felt his heart lift as though some of his troubles were gone.

“Han Solo, I’m more likely to fall in love with you than to be Force sensitive!”

Han gave her a lob-sided grin. “I’d say that you must be very Force sensitive then!” he gave her a roguish wink.

Leia laughed again, but her face grew grim as she revealed the rest of the tortures to Han.

“Vader left, for a while. I thought he was going to execute me, and trust me, that would have been completely welcome right then! But then he came back with more Stormtroopers.”

Leia forced back the tears that were gathering in her eyes. She really didn’t want to seem like an over-emotional teenager.

“They brought me to Grand Moff Tarkin.”

Then Leia recited the entire battle of words that her and Tarkin had exchanged. The words that had been going through her mind every night since the awful event.

“Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding Vader’s leach. I recognised your foul stench when I was brought on board.”

He replied, “Charming to the last. You don’t know how hard I found it signing the order to terminate your life!”

Her response had been just as sharp. “I’m surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself.”

Then he had recited that dreaded speech. “Princess Leia, before your execution, I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony to make this battle station operational. No star system shall dare oppose the emperor now!”

“The more you tighten your grip Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers!”

“Not after we demonstrate the power of this station. In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this stations destructive power on your home planet of Alderaan!”

All defiance was gone now. “No! Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons! You can’t possibly-”

Tarkin’s eyes gleamed. “You would prefer another target? A military target? Then name the system!” He rounded on her, “I grow tired of asking this, so it shall be the last time! Where is the Rebel base?”

“Dantooine,” she finally whispered. “They’re on Dantooine.”

“There, you see Lord Vader? She can be reasonable.” Those dreaded words, “Continue with the operation, you may fire when ready!”

Leia felt the tears running down her face once again. But she didn’t care.

“Alderaan was shining like a jewel in the sky. Then there was a flash of green light, and Alderaan was gone.”

By now Leia sounded hollow, but it was true, she was relieved to finally tell someone.

“Tell me Leia, were you the one who ordered Alderaan to be destroyed?” Han asked her sternly.

“No, but-”

“No buts about it! There was nothing you could have done! Even if you had said another planet, they would have still destroyed Alderaan! I hate to tell you this Leia, but it’s true!” He paused, “Now do you believe me?”

Princess Leia looked up into the hazel eyes of Captain Han Solo, and only saw truth.

“Yes Han, I believe you.”

“Good!” Han smiled in victory and gave her a hug. “Now, go to bed and get some sleep... And no more nightmares, you hear?”

“Yes Sir!” Leia gave a mock salute, and headed for her cabin for a sleep undisturbed by nightmares.

..........

As Princess Leia Organa looked out at the Alderaan Graveyard the next morning, no tears gathered in her eyes. She still felt a sense of sorrow and loss, but it wasn’t as overwhelming as it had previously been.

She looked over at Han who was struggling to fix the hyperdrive, and thought, ‘He’s not so bad really, for a pirate, smuggler, mercenary and an insensitive git. He’s really not so bad.’

FIN.